Dear MPs, we are writing this letter on behalf of law-abiding citizens of Kireka, who are very concerned about the direction you are sending this country.
About a fortnight ago, our beloved President addressed a press conference, where he said because of your intransigence, he was considering going back to the Bush, where things could be done without much concern for red tape and unending debate on nearly each and every aspect of life.
To show how serious this matter is, His Excellency repeated similar sentiments a week ago in Kabale—and has asked voters to help him sort out some of you. The President is dead serious on the possibility of a Second Liberation!
But must we go that far? As the crème de la crème of this country, when the gravity of this matter began taking shape, we quickly congregated at our kafunda in Kireka and decided to deliberate on the way forward.
Some of you MPs might not realise but bush life can be very trying. Why do you want to push our President back into hunting for cassava tubers in peasants’ gardens as he dodges bullets from UNLA (aha, sorry, will it be UPDF?) soldiers?
Do you MPs know what it means to go for days without a shower and wearing the same combat fatigues, at times until they wear and leave one’s buttocks exposed? Is that what you people want our decorated generals to go through again as they engage in the second liberation just because some of you noisy MPs won’t shut up about oil deals and stuff like that?
Imagine Salim Saleh or Kahinda Otafiire back in the bushes of Nakasongola, AK-47s strapped on their backs with only bottles of swamp water to keep them going as they run rings around enemy forces!
How can you MPs, like Cerinah Nebanda who was not even born as our Ssabalwanyis engaged the enemies or Muhammed Nsereko, who was in primary school as Elly Tumwine and Jim Muhwezi put their lives on line, be the ones pushing back our good generals into the bush?
In fact, we in Kireka, have learnt that some of you were hiding under your beds as the struggle gained momentum and yet are now making noise like you ever slept in the wild and sung songs like:
“Vibonge vya mungu watoto wanakimbia musituni! Moto iliwaka Moroto, nawaka, moto nawaka moto nawaka moto!”
So, as deliberations on the way forward got stormier in the bar, Alfredo raised the following matter: “And who will fund this new bush war? Look, Gaddafi is gone, where shall we get guns to start the new struggle?”
Araali, our colleague from Tooro, was also concerned: “I am totally opposed to the idea of sending Mzee back to the bush. Won’t he be committing treason? Is that not like overthrowing the Constitution? And seeing how Kale Kayihura is anxious to follow up and treasonable offences, won’t Mzee be bundled to Luzira?”
Rusaniya, our good waitress, got sucked in: “Won’t Kayihura accompany Mzee back to the bush? Remember he is a trusted cadre. Mzee has previously commended him for revolutionarising the police. Now they vote wisely.”
After hours of heated debate, punctuated with swallowing all tribes of brew, the crème de la crème of Kireka, agreed that we ask our MPs to go slow. We adopted a resolution that reads:
“We, residents of Kireka, cognisant of the fact that this country has a sole visionary, aware of the possibility of us degenerating into nothingness if this vision is tampered with, pray that our noisy MPs stop their blubbering and let our Leader rule unhindered.”
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