As has been the practice over the years, our last Saturday of the year in the bar was spent recognising the most memorable events and outstanding personalities of the year. A panel of eminent judges, led by Alfredo, scrutinised the nominations and now announce the winners.
Exercise of the Year: Whereas recent research has shown that obesity is a growing problem in the USA, there have been reports that the condition is spreading to Africa, Uganda not spared. It was therefore humbling to see overweight politicians cut excess fat in the name of walking to work. Of course the occasional trot caused by tear gas canisters even helped the cause further. Don’t we all remember Ken Lukyamuzi dashing through backyards and jumping over trenches in the name of avoiding capture? For helping keep our politicians fit and lean, we recognise the walk-to-work demos as exercise of the year.
Minister of the Year: Sometime in the year, sugar became a very scarce commodity. Blame was traded over who could be behind the shortage. At one point, His Excellency the President had to search sugar factories to ensure no one was playing games. But as the puzzle continued, there emerged a genius. Mr Vincent Nyanzi, a State Minister in the Office of the Vice President, went practical. He loaded sacks of sugar on his official vehicle and headed to Mityana. There, under a Mvule tree, he set up shop, vending a kilogramme at Shs3,300 when everyone else was charging over Shs5,000. In a matter of minutes, hundreds had queued at the minister’s stall. Suddenly, all shoppers, unable to stand competition, reduced their prices! If all ministers worked this way, we would see less of the President solving village conflicts and such trivia.
Song of the Year: When the going gets tough, the tough get going...so the adage goes. It was clear that the battle for votes was always going to get stiffer by the day. So, when President Museveni decided to release a hot new single titled Mpe Enkoni, we knew the game had changed. The vocals might have been suspect, seeing it was a monotone but why blame Kaguta’s son when even Ragga Dee sings the same way? That a song became the talking point in the middle of an election instead of rising inflation, joblessness, skyrocketing fuel prices and a shaky UPE, we must give it credit.
Miracle of the Year: Like it has been in the past three years, Mabira again came up for discussion. This time, we learnt that sections of the forest were degraded and they would ultimately be given to sugar investors. To prove this point, Environment Minister Flavia Munaaba led a multitude of journalists to the forest to show them the bare ground. But hours of scouring the forest pointed to no bare ground. Seeing a scandal looming, the minister hit a hasty retreat, leaving the journalists in the thick of trees. Later, she was found sipping a cup of coffee in Mukono town. Like the minister, we are convinced sections of Mabira were bare, but they must have miraculously grown trees overnight. We anoint this feat miracle of the year.
Fall of the year: It was labelled the Arab Spring. In a matter of months, decade-old regimes crumbled like a pack of cards. We shall not dwell on Tunisia and Egypt but focus on our muko (in-law) Muammar al-Gaddafi. How could a King of Kings let cockroaches and rats push him into a drainage channel and pick him from there like a wet rat? This was not just a fall; it was the plummet of the year.
Woman of the Year: Kabakumba Masiko. She decided to chart into waters previously dominated by men. We don’t care what others think but we credit her for breaking virgin ground. We now wait to see how many women will follow the cue and get ‘dirty’. But for standing up to gender imbalance in corruption, she takes our honours.
Man of the Year: Moses Golola. Never before has a man risen from nowhere to become a legend like Golola did. He might have been clobbered by Andres Nagy but for all we care, Golola retained the belt. For being whipped and still retained the ability to talk at the top of his voice, we declare Golola our man of 2011!
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