Dear our beloved teachers, we have learnt with great concern your request for a 100 per cent pay raise of your salaries. We have heard your lamentations about the skyrocketing prices of basic commodities and how the Shs200,000 you receive every month is now a drop in the ocean. Some of you have pointed out that sugar, for example, has risen to Shs8,000 a kilogramme where just two months ago it cost Shs2,500.
Some of you have cried out loud that you cannot afford monthly rent for those shacks you call home while for some, you find it ridiculous that as you teach other people’s children, your own are at home, stuck because you cannot raise fees for them.
As government based in Kireka, we want to assure you that your cry has been heard—and like it was in the Old Testament—when God heard the Jews’ cry, you will be attended to. But like it took the Jews close to 40 years to gain deliverance, you should know that you are asking for too much, considering that our government has only done 25 years now. Imagine, God, with the ability to do anything, took a whole 40 years to get these guys to the Promised Land, what about us mortals?
The government has also heard that some of you are wondering why Very Important People like our Honourable Members of Parliament are earning 100 times more than you do. Let’s set this on record. MPs are very unique people. Without them, this country can grind to a halt. They are in charge of producing very important documents called laws. As you might know, laws are the fulcrum on which a country runs. Without laws, this country would be a jungle.
Do you know what happened to a country called Somalia? They didn’t have laws and now see what has become of them! Do you want us to become another Somalia? Therefore, spare the MPs from your discussions. And this also applies to our Resident District Commissioners. Some of you wonder why people without A-level qualification should be paid better than teachers—in fact 10 times what you earn.
Don’t be mistaken. These RDCs also don’t like earning this much but it’s because of the nature of their work. Have you teachers stopped to wonder how taxing it can be for one to officiate at the opening of a workshop at 8am, hop into a double cabin pick-up at 9am to visit a health centre under construction and at midday attend a working lunch at a hotel in town? This is the kind of schedule an RDC has, no wonder we have noted most are suffering from ulcers. Their work is too demanding! As government, we are thinking of offering them compulsory membership to health clubs.
Now back to your concerns. There was this joke that you should be exempted from Pay As You Earn tax. Whoever placed this in your request should be abusing drugs. Look, every morning you ride your bicycles on government roads, when your children fall sick you rush them to government health centre IVs and we have ensured that you can sleep in your shacks without fear of external interruptions. How do you think the government will maintain all these services if we can’t tax you?
Like we have said, we shall attend to you but let us finish the more pressing things first. Let’s buy some more jets, have our ministry fleets increased, and ensure all money for workshops has been mobilised. And just a reminder, should you abscond from work, we shall get the many unemployed graduates (one of our achievements) and employ them in your place.
Yours,
Kireka Government
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