Dear Fr. Simon Lokodo, I greet you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. As a Catholic who attended a few seminaries before I discovered my calling elsewhere, your likes just leave me awed.
That you were able to beat those tight seminary curfews, spend decades imbibing Theology and Philosophy manuals before sacrificing the world’s pleasures by embracing celibacy—leaves me agape. You must be made of unique material.
So, when I learnt the other day that you were having sleepless nights I was disturbed. Apparently, a nightclub in this city has begun something called pole dancing night and this has disorganised you. My sources tell me, like Lady Macbeth, you spend the nights roaming your bedroom, wondering how on earth anyone would design such “sin” disguised as entertainment.
My sources also tell me it is this frustration that compelled you to write an opinion in this newspaper, where you not only labelled pole dancing “the most evil act of our contemporary times” but also wondered about those “willing to be associated with such humiliation of human dignity”.
I raised your concerns at our pub in Kireka. I agreed with you that surely, pole dancing is the worst thing to have ever hit us in this century. The sight of young ladies, nearly naked, rubbing their bodies on poles and a mass of onlookers cheering them is the zenith of moral decadence.
But I have this difficult friend called Alfredo. Midway my submission, he interrupted rudely. “How does pole dancing compare to theft of billions meant for treatment of people living with HIV or children dying of malaria?”
I told Alfredo to shut up. Theft of money for drugs cannot be as sinful as pole dancing, I asserted. I told Alfredo that pole dancing is very corrosive. It could affect the sight of those watching and who wants a country of visually-challenged people?
Just as I was delving into further disadvantages of pole dancing, Alfredo raised his voice above the music. “And what about those risking the future of entire generations by sacrificing important ecosystems like Mabira Forest?”
Again, I had to restrain Alfredo. I reminded him that a forest can be replanted but destroyed morals may never be reconstructed. The two, I told him, are leagues apart. I assured Alfredo that pole dancing could pose serious risks to our men. Just imagine what goes in the minds of those looking at young naked women rubbing poles…what are they capable of doing thereafter?
As I concluded this defence, another character in the kafunda retorted. “Is this another Nsaba Buturo?” I quickly informed the drunk that whereas you had replaced Nsaba Buturo as Ethics Minister, your orientation was different. You are schooled in the arts of integrity and had helped shepherd men away from sin.
That is when Alfredo jumped in again. He reminded me that you had recently been defrocked by the Pope because you went against the Church rules and joined politics. Alfredo argued that these girls who are willing to expose their nudity for a coin are rebels against societal norms—and that they are no different from you who rebelled against the church.
“And anyway, at least they are not using pens and vouchers to falsify accountability in order to steal,” he said, beer foaming at his mouth.
Alfredo also wondered whether those who attend the shows are conscripted and why you are bothered if they are not complaining. Like I have always wanted to do, I nearly slapped him.
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