Thank God, the rich have a new status symbol

Asked why no ‘ordinary citizen’ had yet been issued with a national identity card, Ambassador Wanume Kibedi, the chairman National Citizenship and Immigration Board, said priority had dictated that officials of influence receive the IDs first and that Ugandans should expect theirs “within the next two years”.
When Daily Monitor reported the above story early last week, there was uproar from ordinary citizens, some of who already angered by incessant power-cuts, wondered why they would not have these IDs promised over a year ago.
In fact, according to Ambassador Wanume, the contractor, who has now pocketed about Shs37 billion, has only made 400 cards so far mainly for ‘influential’ Ugandans. Now, some people think Ambassador Wanume’s blunt honesty was insensitive to majority ‘ordinary’ Ugandans and he should step aside.
In Kireka, we disagree with this view. In fact, Ambassador Wanume is right. IDs should be our new status symbol and therefore not every mortal, just because they breathe in oxygen, should be entitled to one.
In the 90s, the only way an ‘influential’ Ugandan was distinguishable from the ‘ordinary’ being was to see if one had a phone pouch strapped on their belts. That Sony Ericsson was a symbol of influence, wealth and status. Airtime was paid for in US dollars; one had to pay in thousands to get a SIM card and every month, like it is with rent, you had to pay subscription. But see what has happened now. The Chinese have ensured the phone is no longer an exclusive item.
Seeing that we had invaded their space, these influential Ugandans then moved to cars as their next status symbol. They opted to get their fuel-guzzlers from Germany and the US. But see what the Japanese have done to them. For every Benz, there is a Toyota Progress. For every Range Rover, there exists a Toyota Harrier.
And now with car loan schemes, inter-continental car theft rackets and gullible flock in churches, anyone can access these machines. Again, we have invaded the space meant for influential Ugandans.
They finally turned to their houses and neighbourhoods. But see what we ordinary Ugandans have done to them. Slums prowl Naguru just as they dot Muyenga. The other day, a taxi rammed into a wall in Kololo. Who had ever heard of kamunyes in Kololo? This country is bleeding because the rich and influential have nothing to separate them from the ordinary folk.
But Lo! The heavens have sent Ambassador Wanume. At least, he has thought of something that for the next two years, influential Ugandans can use to separate them from the Commons—the national ID! Going by the figures, we have produced 400 cards at a cost of Shs37 billion. A quick calculation means a single ID costs Shs92 million! Yes, one national ID is valued at $34,000. Now, if this is not the ultimate status symbol, tell me what it is.
So, as our MPs jostle on who should make what foreign trip, there is one item they will not forget to pack—their national IDs. At any given opportunity, they will flash it at their counterparts in Europe or Asia and ask if any of them has an ID worth $34,000. I am sure those hosts will treat our influential Ugandans with respect at the sight of these IDs.
Also, we now know who matters in this country. It has ceased to matter what car you drive, house you sleep in or mistresses you have. One question we shall ask, “Are you among the 400? Then show us your national ID.”
Failure to do so will mean you are just as ordinary as Tom, Dick or Wanyama, who for the next two years, will not have a national ID.